oh Lord. ranting again....
2007-04-19
The question was posed on one of my favorite blogs.... "How many people REALLY 'get' you?" This is something I have been struggling with for a long long time. On one hand I am very transparent.
On another hand, I keep a lot back. Hardly anyone knows the me that i have kept hidden. You may think you do. I don't know why I do not share- almost like I don't want anyone to know the real me... I am not embarrassed about anything... I think I like it better than the transparent one that 99.9 % of people know. I like keeping it secret... but there is a catch. I feel lonely because no one does in fact know that side .I feel lonely and then it moves on to being pissed off.... like "why can't i trust you with it"??
Friends- they are a weird group. Most days i feel closer to blogland than real life-we are an odd sort, us bloggers... WE get our joy, satisfaction, release from posting all kinds of crazy shit for people we dont even "know" and call each other friends...all the time, i am telling someone about my friends in Canada, Greece, all over the US, and they just don't get it. People just dont get it....
I have been on a mission lately- this has been going on for a long time, this weeding out. Sounds rude, but none of you are included.. I am not going to waste any more time spending random useless "TIME" with people i dont want to. i have cut out a lot of activities as a result. I am tired of the mindless drivvle HEY HOW ARE YOU AWW YOUR KIDS ARE GETTING SO BIG... insert puking sound... i suppose i still have to be nice, but i am not going to spend time and energy that will take away from something more important to go sit and make up bullshit talk with someone that i am not willing to go "deeper" with.... ya know? no more explaining -just be polite and move on with things. I am tired of pouring out and getting nothing in return. fuck that. i am one needy bitch. i am hard to be friends with. i expect a lot. weeding out i tell ya. yanking from the roots. sounds like too much trouble? then i dont want you. (not YOU but ONE in general- now dont get all paranoid on me , blogfriends- no one i am talking about knows this blog exists--which is ridiculous in itself- how can you be my friend and not share my passion of blogging and the community of blogworld?? irritators these people are . UGG)
I wanna pour heart out
I wanna hear the mob shout....
Sometimes i feel like i could change the world
but i dont know where to start
I dig and come out empty
clutching a sacred heart
posted by gina at 5:24 AM Permalink
9 Comments:
xxx I feel you girl!
7:55 AM
gina,
((hugs))
4:40 PM
Hmm, not sure what to say, but I just wanted to let you know I read this and I'm feeling you. (That didn't sound right.) Putting your energies where it's worth it, not in lots of superficial relationships sounds smart to me.
5:34 PM
I've been going through the weeding out process of (toxic) friends over the last year too. It really sucks, but is necessary sometimes.
I hope you are doing better. (especially the secret you)
8:13 PM
aww i love blogworld. thanks for letting me know i am not alone.
9:50 PM
I never let anyone in real life get too close to me, not close enough to call them a true friend. It takes years for me to let them in. And then I recently moved away from the ones I did feel close to and now I hardly see them. I guess that's why I love Blogland so much - I am more me in this forum than I ever am comfortable being in real life. All this means = hugs!
1:14 AM
hugs:)
(more hugs)
sacret heart you have indeed Gina -
love you:)
weeding out is cool. let it goooo -
i did that two years ago!
time is precious -
blog instead! (he-he)
just kidding...
no - i'm not:)
6:18 AM
Perhaps I wish I had your problem. I'm always myself, which is why I don't have too much weeding out to do! They all seem to weed themselves out for me!
5:04 PM
I hear ya Gina!!
8:59 PM
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